The Grungy Guys

The Grungy Guys

What’s up guys. Ava reporting for the first time in forever. I had the honor in looking up dudes for my article, so wet right now, and I think what I have is pretty insane! I came up with a full squad of dudes that are welcome to be apart of the Grungy Guys.

Grungy guys? What am I talking about? Someone who comes off as a grunge, probably hasn’t showered since their last insta edit, doesn’t give a fuck about you or what you think, has somewhat of a homeless vibe to em, fucking loves scootering, doesn’t fuck with no job, absolutely rips, scooter wobbles like a swing set, eats beer for breakfast through dinner, do you get what I mean yet? Good. If you don’t, well fuck I tried to explain, maybe you’re a dumbass?

Brian Noyes & Mike Hohmann

It’s weird to put 2 people on the Grungy Guys at one time, but these dudes are best fuckin’ buds. How could I not put these 2 together. Both from the OG Florida Ride squad, they fuckin kill it, and they wear sports jerseys all the damn time. Mike’s always repping the Pittsburgh Penguins and other hockey teams while Brian backs the Dolphins (god that’s gotta suck). These two are the definition of not giving a fuck. Brian actually stands on the ends of streets with a sign pocketing a few extra bills (couldn’t find the photo I’m a shit reporter.) While Mike rocks these headphones from the fucking 80’s, Achmed Khan style. It’s actually kinda tight, but where the FUCK do you buy those in working condition? This guy has got to have atleast 100 pairs of these things lying around. Don’t those fuckers hurt your ears after like 5 minutes? You gotta know those headphones have the thinnest and shittiest foam on them that they just end up stabbing your ears after 30 seconds. FUCKIN’ love these guys. Brian has the rawest double barspins I’ve ever seen and smooth back boards. Mike’s bartwist front boards, switch riding, manuals, everything is fantastic.

Ayy shout out to Mike for gettin’ some in BCN tho… 

Kevin Closson

What the fuck Kevin? Why do I have to search for 15 minutes for a decent photo of you with long hair? And this is the only shit I got that kinda works? Send me a selfie, dick. This photo is from September of 2017 dude. Take more selfies you’re grunge as fuck it’s tight, embrace it. KCloss reps bayareaconcrete, TSI, and Hella Grip. Kevin is an amazing scooter rider, but have you seen his acting? His acting as a Cop in “Hella Good Stuff” was borderline Paul Blart Mall Cop shit. It was really fuckin bad! Obviously was the point of it, but holy shit Kev, what a monumental moment in you’re career. Post Cop you your homeless vibe sky rocketed. Hair flowin, scoot creakin, self filmed insta edits, button up T-shirts you can only buy at your local thrift shop or in your local garbage bin. Phenomenal work Kevin. Kevin’s always been an underground type of guy, to me atleast. Never really heard of him until that one ADVCT Woodward edit came out. Really caught my eye from then on and glad he’s starting to see the light. Kevin, how can’t even find a solo edit on Youtube within the past 5 years to link in the article man, Jesus Christ. Anton can you please motivate this lazy ass and get him to drop something for TSI? Thanks.

Blake Bailor (2016)

BLAKE BAILOR CIRCA 2016 WOULD BE A PERFECT FUCKIN’ FIT FOR THE GRUNGY GUYS. UNFORTUNATELY AFTER OR DURING, I DONT FUCKING KNOW, SOMETIME IN 2016 I THINK HE CUT THE HAIR, STARTED POSTNG DYLAN ESC PHOTOS OF HIMSELF, AND NOW HE EVEN OPENS DOORS FOR THE ELDERLY AND SMILES AT THEM INSTEAD OF TELLING THEM TO ‘FUCK OFF’ AND OPEN THE DOOR THEMSELVES. BACK IN 2016 BLAKE WOULD DRINK A 5TH TO HIMSELF BEFORE BRI FLIPPING YOUR GIRL IN BED. HIS LONG NAPPY ASS HAIR WAS DOPE. HE CAME OUT WITH A PARKTAGE PROBABLY MONTHS BEFORE HE CUT HIS HAIR AND IT WAS MAYBE THE PEAK OF HIS RIDING. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AFTER HE CUT THE HAIR? HE WAS FEATURED ON THE VAULT PRO SCOOTERS’ YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND ALMOST LOST A GAME OF S.C.O.O.T TO ZACH FUCKING POON. BLAKE, THAT GUY CAN ONLY DO 3 TRICKS MAXIMUM, I KNOW YOU CAN ONLY BRIFLIP, BUT CERTAINLY THERE’S ANOTHER TRICK YOU HAVE BETTER THAN ZACH. IF YOU WOULDA LOST THAT GAME YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO HANG EM UP BROTHER. YOUR BRIS WOULD NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN, LIKE YOUR LONG HAIR. BLAKE LOVES TO PARTY SO HE’D BE THE GUY ON THE TEAM THAT JUST GETS SO MUCH MORE FUCKED UP THAN EVERYONE ELSE THE DAY BEFORE RIDING. WHERE HE ENDS UP JUST SITTING AT THE SPOTS DRINKING EVEN MORE TO RALLY FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE. PREVENTING HANGOVERS AND GIVING US THE FOOTAGE WE ALL WANT THE GRUNGY WAY.

My god how does he caps locks like that every time.

Ronald Sharpe

Another homie out of the bay area. Big Ron is arguably the GOAT. But he has everything it takes to be on the Grungy Guys. Big Ron literally does not give a fuck. This man still reps razor fucking ultra pros. Where do you even buy those things now? His homies ride for all these other scooter companies, but he chooses to stick with the worst scoot of all time. Metal cores? Nah fuck that shit, plastic cores are clearly where its at. I can only imagine Ron thinking to himself, Oh you see this fat rail, yeah Ima break my plastic core wheels when I land at 20mph, possibly fall on my face, get thrown over my bars, fucking die, still going to fucking send it though. Imagine riding an ultra pro and only ultra pros in 2018… Think for a moment you pushing mongo. Now think of you pushing mongo, but with the craziest, most aggressive pushes of all time. This might be a good time for me to write about stop pushing mongo, but I’ll save it for later. He’s doing this all while riding 1 handed. Big Ron maybe doesn’t eat beer every hour of the day, but the man loves his kush. He also actually has a job, worked at UPS, thanks Facebook! If you’re scooter parts from the Vault are late you can try blaming Ron.(discount code TMZ gets you 69% off @thevaultproscooters) Fuck yeah Ron.

Issac Miller

Issac Miller is a prime time example of someone who just fucks you up by watching him ride. Issac is from Iowa, which I bet more than half of you dick bags reading this can barely even locate on the map. Pretty sure he doesn’t live there anymore… Rides for tilt, or anything that doesn’t break while he rides/throws his scooter as hard as possible when frustrated. Highly praised by the community, Issac deserves a spot on the squad. I have this idea in my mind that Issac wakes up with a cig already in his mouth and then immediately turns on his N64 to play the Razor game. Then after a few grinds and indian givers in the game he replicates it outside at his local skatepark. Him and other friends from Colorado like to go on long hikes. It seems they just bring a lot of beer and shots of fireball along the way. The true way to hike. I put him on the squad because his legs actually break every time he lands. Sometimes I don’t even understand how his feet are still on the scooter when his ass ends up touching the ground after a landed trick. Old old old videos of Issac were pretty much him eating shit over and over again. This one clip always comes to my mind. Filmed most likely with a VX, probably still in Iowa, he’s got really small bars. I think he sends a double or triple whip over this gap and just slides on his face so fucking badly. Jordan Jasa maybe filmed it and gets in his face and it’s so badly fucked up. CLASSIC don’t give a fuck Issacc. I can’t find the clip, but if anyone knows of it’s whereabouts please send.

Zig Short

Oh man I don’t even know where to start. Zig is a fucking character. Although he doesn’t scoot much, or at all, he’s still one of the most grunge scooter riders ever. No fucks given. Doesn’t matter if you stacked 2 el toros ontop of one another he’d fuckin’ go for it. What’s even crazier is he did most of his crazy shit back when scooter parts were rare. He was sponsored by Inward Scooters and maybe had just a ‘deck saver’ on. Didn’t work out for him when he jumped off this roll-in back in 2009. He gained popularity fast and started becoming the face of Elyts and AO. Elyts was something crazy at the time. Everyone was hyped on a Scooter shoe company, but then they came out with these Neil Armstrong 1969 signature space boots. They were so fat and ugly. The box they came in said your swag levels were up 10 points or some shit as well. Every video of this guy has that fuck you I do what I want how I want to vibe. He’s got weird unique tricks no one else does, probably for good reason though. He has music videos like the ‘art of stuntin’ that got him tons of hate at the time too. Nowadays you can catch Zig hanging out with Jackie Chan punching shit and dickin around with his nunchaku.

I’m pretty sure I just made the GOAT of teams to ever exist. A teamtage of this would certainly surpass legendary team edits like French ID’s, ADVCTs, Lucky Scooters First Clover Teaser, Tilt Team 2012, ALL OF THEM. Honerable mentions: Logan Fuller, Ryan Ruegg, Andrew Broussard, Eddie Stzalkowski, Michael Mankong, anyone that lives in Barcelona. DID YOU MAKE THE GRUNGE LIST? WE’LL MAIL YOU $5 TO HELP WITH YOUR ADDICTION TO BEER, CIGS, ETC. SLIDE IN OUR DMS.

-Ava


Comments are closed.